My brain has always been naturally active and restless. Growing up, I thought this constant barrage of thoughts, distractions, ideas, and creativity was a universal experience. I assumed that struggling with processing information, forgetfulness, and having trouble focusing were just standard parts of life. When these aspects of myself were revealed, I faced criticism and labeling, leading me to suppress parts of who I was and dissociate to fit in and please others. It was only a few years ago, when I discovered that I have a neurodivergent mind, that I began to offer myself compassion and allowed the wounded child within me to start reclaiming her true identity.

 

Miraculously, when I paint, my mind enters a state of profound stillness- I don’t think at all. Instead, I engage in a visual dialogue, tapping into a deeper consciousness unique to painting. I see myself as a complex whole composed of many parts. The process of painting feels like an excavation of these parts. It sometimes feels dreamlike, as if entering a portal to another dimension where kaleidoscopic colors merge with repressed trauma and emotions. Through the dynamic interplay of color, mark-making, pattern, and playful landscapes, I articulate the complexities of my internal world, reflecting my emotional experiences. What parts will emerge? Whom shall I meet? What memories exist within the wreckage? What is unfolding?

 

There is mystery in the work, and perhaps I’m trying to explain how self-perception molds our understanding of the world. My abstract paintings have made me wonder about the profound connection between our inner landscapes and our external interactions. Perhaps this dialogue encourages empathy and a deeper understanding of how our internal worlds shape our relationships with others and is a testament to the interplay between personal history, self-perception, and the broader world. Perhaps they can invite viewers to engage with the rich tapestry of their own emotional landscape, fostering a shared space for reflection and connection.